Wild

By Cheryl Strayed

Cheryl Strayed’s life shattered into a thousand tiny pieces when her mother died unexpectedly, at a young age, from aggressive lung cancer.  She left her marriage, fell into a relationship with a heroin addict, and began medicating her pain with this highly addictive drug.  Her once secure family of origin also fell apart in the wake of her mother’s death, compounding her grief by leaving her essentially alone in the world.  The heroin removed her pain, if only temporarily, and Ms. Strayed could easily have succumbed to addiction, but something deep inside her wouldn’t give up on life and this something sent her on a journey of tremendous hardship to retrieve the tiny pieces of herself so that she could put them back together into someone capable of happiness.

My initial apprehension that Wild would be another Eat, Pray, Love (by Elizabeth Gilbert), fell away within the first few words of the prologue.  Where  Eat, Pray, Love begins with an embarrassingly endless self-pity party, Wild begins with the sudden loss of Ms. Strayed’s left hiking boot in the middle of a rocky trail many miles from the next human being.  I can just imagine Elizabeth Gilbert throwing a tantrum at the loss of the boot and how unfair life is.  Cheryl Strayed did not have energy to waste in crying about a lost boot; it was just one more crisis in a series to be managed.  So she kept walking, on her already ruined feet, because her life depended on it.   From the beginning, pain – both physical and spiritual – had been her constant companion.  By the end, the spiritual pain was gone and the physical pain had become bearable.  Walking barefoot over rough terrain while carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders was a metaphor for how Cheryl Strayed lived her life until she learned the art of letting go.

When a person’s life is in ruins one of three things happens:  she gives up, she tries to heal but eventually fails, or she emerges like a phoenix rising from the ashes.  The first outcome is a waste, the second, a tragedy, but the third is a miracle of the spirit.  When people succeed in recovery from addiction, abuse, or trauma it takes an heroic effort to climb out of the hole they have found themselves in.  As Janis Joplin so famously said, “freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose,” and that is what it means to hit bottom.  Cheryl Strayed knew that she was dangerously close to that point and decided to do something impossible in order to stay alive.  Her story reminded me of the Labors of Hercules but nothing in her memoir suggests that she felt like a hero.  She was a lost and lonely soul who needed to shed twenty something years of baggage before she could find her way in the world.

Wild takes us on Cheryl Strayed’s ill-conceived journey to walk the Pacific Crest Trail from just north of Los Angeles to the Oregon-Washington state line.  From start to finish, Ms. Strayed covered more than 1,100 miles, mostly on foot, wearing a backpack and tent.  Unlike Ms. Gilbert, Ms. Strayed had no lucrative book deal to finance her journey.  Cheryl Strayed worked as a waitress and saved a few dollars here and there until she had what she thought would be enough to keep her in freeze-dried food for the duration of her trek.  Even the shortest backpacking trip requires planning and organization to ensure sufficient quantities of food and water.  When planning a weeks- or months-long trek preparation can mean the difference between life and death or, at a minimum, success and failure.  At 22 years of age, having never backpacked, Ms. Strayed was completely unprepared in every possible way.  And yet, she never turned back once she took her first step on the Pacific Crest Trail for what would either kill her or make her stronger. 

Lots of people (mostly women) liked Eat, Pray, Love because it enabled them to “feast, fast, and f(ornicate)” vicariously through Elizabeth Gilbert’s self-obsessed writing.  Who wouldn’t enjoy eating her way through Italy, slimming down at an ashram (OK, there were some “hardships” in this part), and finding amor caliente with a wealthy, world-traveling, and not too demanding second husband, all the while getting paid to write about it?  Best of all, for Ms. Gilbert, was imagining her ex-husband and ex-lover eating their hearts out over her success which their shortcomings and misdeeds made possible.

Wild, by contrast, is so honest it is painful to read at times.  Ms. Strayed shares her worst self and her worst moments without apology or qualification.  She describes the abuse of her father, the abandonment of her step father , the disintegration of her family, and the mercy killing of her mother’s beloved horse without flinching, anger, or blame.  There is a powerful acceptance of formative events in her life that transcends the book and leaves the reader elevated, even though there is very little of Ms. Strayed's story that is enjoyable other than her descriptions of spiritual gifts from fellow travelers and the natural beauty she encountered on the trail. 

 

In addition to sharing her story, Ms. Strayed’s memoir pays homage to the people who conceived of and eventually built the Pacific Crest Trail, a 2,650 mile footpath from Mexico to Canada parallel to the West Coast of the United States of America.  The process began in the 1930s with YMCA volunteers marking the trail but didn’t receive Federal designation and Park Service protection until 1993.  According to the PCT website, thousands of hikers and equestrians enjoy the trail each year, a surprising number of whom hike the entire length.  Given the many degrees of latitude the trail encompasses, as well as changes in elevation, conditions on a given day can range from 110˚ in desert valleys up to 20˚ or colder on mountain tops, with everything in between.  Packing for such extreme conditions would be a challenge for anyone, but for those who must carry their world in a backpack, every ounce requires a decision.  Cheryl Strayed did not know this until well into her trek when the trail humbled her enough to accept help from an experienced hiker.  The author's humility is what makes Wild worth reading and sharing because it holds the key to her transformation.

If, like me, you tossed Eat, Pray, Love the minute you finished, you owe it to yourself to read  Wild.  On the other hand, if you liked Eat, Pray, Love, you might find Wild a bit too “real” for you, although Oprah liked them both, for whatever that’s worth.  Wild could easily have been clichéd and sugar-coated, after all the author did some shameful things before deciding to walk for her life.  Ms. Strayed could also have left out a lot of details about life on the trail but chose to love her unwashed and foul-smelling self.  There is nothing like a hot shower after weeks in the wild to make you appreciate what a gift cleanliness is.  Some people never experience true hardship nor face insurmountable objects in life.  While I wouldn’t wish pain on anyone, I know from personal experience that tragedy and suffering give depth and meaning to life, and can foster an appreciation for the difficulties faced by others.  It takes courage to share a painful life story but only a whole and healthy person can do so without self-pity or narcissism.  

Copyright 2012 Teresa Friedlander, all rights reserved

"Infinite Jest"

REQUIRED READING: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

Book Review by Teresa Friedlander (copyright 2009)

This book falls under the category of “I read it so you don’t have to”, which is not to say that you shouldn’t read it. At just over 1,000 pages of complicated text and twisted plot lines, Infinite Jest is, according to TIME Magazine, one of the most important novels published in the last fifty years. The book, a painfully funny satire and prescient social commentary, is set in a future time when Canada, Mexico, and the United States have merged into one large nation referred to as ONAN (Organization of North American Nations) possibly as a result of NAFTA (the North American Free Trade Agreement). In this mammoth nation, the pursuit of televised entertainment is the national pastime and sobriety is no longer the norm. Some of the topics David Foster Wallace examines in Infinite Jest include toxic waste disposal, mental illness, tennis prodigies, twelve-step recovery programs, terrorism, and politics. The plot can be difficult to follow at times but the intertwined stories are so interesting and compelling that I devoted an entire summer to this book.

Mr. Wallace, who died in 2008, had the rare ability to capture the inanities of life and use them to examine social changes which often happen before anyone notices. He was brilliant: a graduate of Amherst College with a double major in English and philosophy, and a concentration in logic and mathematics. His senior thesis was so exceptional that Viking Penguin published it as a novel entitled The Broom of the System. Frank Bruni, a writer for the New York Times magazine stated in a 1996 profile that, "Wallace is to literature what Robin Williams or perhaps Jim Carrey is to live comedy: a creator so maniacally energetic and amused with himself that he often follows his riffs out into the stratosphere, where he orbits all alone." Not only was he intellectually gifted, but David Foster Wallace had been a tennis prodigy and experienced a childhood similar to what he so colorfully described in Infinite Jest. Sadly, for much of his life, Mr. Wallace suffered from depression and in the end that is what killed him. When I heard that he had committed suicide, I cannot say I was surprised.

Genius and mental illness frequently co-exist. Edgar Allen Poe, Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway, Ludwig von Beethoven, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Vincent Van Gogh, and other important cultural and historical figures suffered from depression, anxiety, or bi-polar disorders. Recent scientific studies at Stanford University, Harvard University, and the University of Toronto confirm the correlation between creativity and madness; it is thought that psychological illnesses open extra data gathering pathways in the brain. Infinite Jest is a pure example of this theory. Mr. Wallace describes a world that is a vortex of tragic and comic insanity where people increasingly turn inward, or self-medicate, in the same way that he did. Reading the book, I was awestruck by his observations and intuitions; Mr. Wallace may not have had a “beautiful mind” like the schizophrenic mathematical genius, John Forbes Nash, but he saw trends and social currents the rest of us tend to filter out. Had he been less brilliant, he might have been mentally healthy, or conversely, if he had been mentally healthy, he might have been less brilliant. We will never know.

Unlike Moby Dick author Herman Melville, pioneering geneticist Gregor Mendel, poet Emily Dickenson, and many others, Mr. Wallace did enjoy success during his lifetime. Almost immediately upon release, Infinite Jest garnered a cult following among English literature majors, philosophy students, and others who enjoy a book that challenges them and stretches their ability to think. It remains widely read and discussed because in addition to the brilliance of the writing and social observation, Infinite Jest pushes the novel form. For one thing, it is a blend of genres: sports novel, family drama, thriller, and science fiction, tied up with wit and satire, tragedy and comedy. For another, Infinite Jest makes use of footnotes as chapters, taking us out of our comfort zone, in pursuit of clarity, and leaving us wondering if we will ever get back. (Note: If you skip the footnotes in this book, you will miss a good part of the story.)

Infinite Jest is rich with puns and literary references beginning with the title, which is taken from a line in “Hamlet”, and possibly hints that the joke is on the reader. In the book, “Infinite Jest” is the title of a deadly form of video entertainment which causes the viewer to die from the pleasure of watching it. One plot thread concerns the theft of the original copy of the so-called “entertainment” which has already killed a number of unsuspecting viewers, including its creator. Given its utility as an undetectable instrument of death, the original “Infinite Jest” cassette is a hot commodity. A group of physically impaired Quebecois separatists (the Wheelchair Assassins), who get around on electric scooters, wants to use “the entertainment” to coerce ONAN into letting French Canada secede and to take revenge on the former United States. Other criminals want it as well and will stop at nothing to get it.

Meanwhile, at the elite Enfield Tennis Academy, students get stoned daily in order to tolerate the endless drills and hand-strengthening exercises required to produce champions. Fortunately, just downhill, is the Ennet House of Drug and Alcohol Recovery House (sic) where counselor, Don Gately, works hard to help residents achieve sobriety. Don was himself a football prodigy and therefore knows the stresses the Enfield students are under. He became addicted to pain pills after an injury, lived a life of crime, and accidentally killed someone before being sent to rehab. A number of ETA students cycle in and out of Ennet House throughout the book and Don Gately is there for all of them. He is a non-traditional hero who can’t seem to avoid trouble and is one of the most likeable characters in the book.

The creation of the unified North American nation ignites American-Canadian border tensions when much of New England is ceded to the Canadian part of ONAN and designated a toxic waste dump, named “the great concavity”. The Wheelchair Assassins are particularly aggrieved that New York Giants fans fling their trash into the now-Canadian concavity using oversized catapults. With control of “Infinite Jest” the assassins hope to put an end to this insult. Their plan is to take advantage of Americans’ love of passive entertainment and commit mass murder by disseminating “the entertainment”.

One of the funniest themes in Infinite Jest is the invention of subsidized time. No longer is a new year referred to as, say, 2009; corporations buy the right to name each year. My favorite year is “The Year of the Depends Adult Undergarment”, with “The Year of the Whopper” as a close second. Again, Mr. Wallace might have been on to something. Perhaps our government should consider selling the naming rights to new years as a way of raising revenue for the financial bailout while allowing entities to repair their damaged reputations. Imagine: 2008 could have been called “The Year of Chinese Pet Foods”. How about “The Year of Peanut Company of America Peanut Butter” instead of 2009?

Infinite Jest, published during the first Clinton Administration, is remarkable in how un-farfetched many of it’s predictions are. Mr. Wallace intuited that the American political system was heading for freefall: in the book Rush Limbaugh is a recently assassinated president. He also understood that sooner or later wheelchairs and electric scooters would be everywhere; our population is aging, after all. Finally with the commercialization of everything including time, Mr. Wallace foresaw the collapse of the United States economy. The part he got wrong was that NAFTA would result in the unification of North America. Although, who knows what the world will look like in twenty years?

What differentiates a good novel from a great one is not only how thought-provoking it is but how well it withstands the test of time. Infinite Jest will be studied, discussed, and read for many years by anyone who wishes to understand America pre-9/11 as well as by those who love the English language. Mr. Wallace has been compared with Thomas Pynchon and William Gaddis; he was a genius who happened to be a writer, as opposed to Shakespeare, a writer who happened to be a genius. If he had found a way to conquer his depression, we can be certain that David Foster Wallace would have continued to redefine the American novel. As I said in the beginning, Infinite Jest is not a quick or easy read and if you decide not to bother, no one will think the less of you. If, on the other hand, you give this book a try, you will never forget it, and David Foster Wallace’s creative genius will forever change the way you think.

"Beautiful Boy"

Beautiful Boy by David Scheff

Book Review by Teresa Friedlander (copyright 2008)

The only thing worse than watching your child die of disease or from an accident, is watching him self-destruct, slowly, all the while stringing you along with shreds of hope and outright lies. David Scheff is a regular contributor to the New York Times whose son Nicolas became addicted to methamphetamine as a teenager. Nic is still alive, but every day he makes a decision about whether to feed or starve his addiction, and he will do so for the rest of his life. This is a sad book, but at the same time, it offers hope and comfort to those of us who have watched a loved one struggle with addiction.

If a child is suffering, often we parents don’t know it. Children, particularly adolescents, don’t tend to open up to their parents about things that trouble them. The world we inhabit is fraught with peril: wars raging in the middle east with no end in sight, political divisions, millions going hungry, polar ice caps melting, gas prices soaring, terrorists attacking, etc. A sensitive and aware child can easily be overwhelmed with feelings of doom and hopelessness. Recreational drugs lure troubled people with the offer of escape from the frightening uncertainty of a confusing world. Insecure children also find drugs a way of hiding from emotional pain or perceived physical inadequacies. Many adults, too, enjoy their drug of choice: whatever serves to distract them from their “lives of quiet desperation”. While entirely too many people use unhealthy coping strategies, there are still adults among us who believe that life is something to embrace rather than run from. David Scheff is one such individual.

Beautiful Boy is a father’s story about the devastation that addiction wreaks on families. Nic, was a gifted, talented, and delightful child. He was creative and inquisitive and everything we hope our children will be until he wasn’t. Methamphetamine robbed him of his gifts and enslaved him. Nic’s drug addiction was much stronger than his love for his family or for himself, and to this day refuses to let Nic go. The damage done both inside and out is evident in recent photographs: Nic looks despondent and ghostly, nothing like the sweet and beautiful boy of his childhood.

What I liked most about this book was Mr. Scheff’s humility: as an adult and as a parent he made mistakes, which he acknowledges without beating himself up. Instead he decided to do better so that Nic might have a chance to beat his addiction. Additionally, Beautiful Boy contains helpful information about the whole cycle of addiction and why certain drugs are more dangerous than others. This book is not political in that Mr. Scheff does not have an agenda other than to share his own sad experience.

Our nation has been waging a “war on drugs” for the past many decades. While well-intentioned, this effort has had the effect of incarcerating a disproportionate number of young black men and enriching drug producers at home and abroad. Ask any teenager at any local high school how easy it is to get drugs and he or she will invariably answer, “extremely”. This was true when I was a student in the 1970s, but what is different is that the drugs available now are much more potent and addictive than even ten years ago. Nic Scheff, like so many, got his start with marijuana in middle school. He was busted, swore it was a mistake and he would never do it again. His parents believed him and eventually gave him back his freedom. The problem was, Nic was much more troubled than either he or his parents understood and his drug use was not a mistake: it was a form of self-medication.

By the time Nic was a senior in high school, he was using crystal meth, one of the most addictive drugs available. From that point on, his life became a frantic roller coaster ride: he went from stealing from family and friends, to support his habit, to extended periods of sobriety; from disappearing to crawling back home like the prodigal son. Meanwhile, Nic’s young siblings felt constantly betrayed by their beloved older brother who would charm them one day and abandon them the next.

Nic became two people: Sober Nic and Addicted Nic. Addicted Nic is the stronger one, but Sober Nic refuses give up. Sober Nic surfaces from time to time, but it takes an increasing amount of willpower to withstand the pull of Addicted Nic who is like a slave catcher from the old south. Sober Nic loves his family and craves time with them. Addicted Nic will refuse food but never his drug. Sober Nic will refuse his drug for a time. And then something happens, and Addicted Nic exploits the weakness in Sober Nic and the cycle begins again.

Addiction treatment centers are found in almost every urban area in the United States. A stay in one can cost several hundred dollars per day and the recommended stay is often six months or more. There are occasional success stories, but mostly there are relapses. Mr. Scheff found himself trying to make sense of the revolving door that addiction treatment represents and determined that as long as he held a shred of hope that Nic could recover, he would continue to find a way to fund Nic’s treatment.

Beautiful Boy is not a self-help book, rather it is a personal history. Mr. Scheff does not pretend to have answers, and can only guess at what went wrong with Nic. His objective in writing this book was to share his pain with other families in similar circumstances and to let them know that they are not alone. Beautiful Boy is also a cautionary tale about the availability of illegal drugs and the ease with which children can obtain them.

If drugs are so readily available, how can we parents keep our children from trying them? The simple answer is we can’t; it is up to our children to decide for themselves. The complicated answer is that we parents need to do a better job of raising our children. We need to be talking about personal safety and self-esteem. We need to be optimistic and positive people who truly believe that we can make a difference, even if everything we hear and read tells us that our nation is adrift, leaderless, and beholden to China. We need to be aware of our children’s emotional health. Children who are depressed, insecure, and angry are much more likely to abuse drugs than their happy, self-confident, and positive peers. It is our job to help young people find ways to be productive and caring citizens and to find things to be happy about every day. Finally, it is our responsibility to get to know our children’s friends and their friends’ parents, and to be sure our children are where they say they are supposed to be. In the immortal words of a recent past president, “trust but verify”.

Nic is one of the lucky ones. Despite burning bridges and hurting those who love him best, and whom he loves best, he is still welcome home – as long as he is sober. He is also lucky to have parents with deep pockets. But what about the countless others we see loitering near convenience stores, turning tricks, going without food, and begging change on street corners? These people, who were once beautiful boys and girls, are at the bottom of the pyramid that supports the illegal drug industry. Eventually their bodies will die as a result of their addiction, then perhaps their souls will be set free.